A Little Something Extra

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Vanity

My appointment with Dr. L today was a much longer appointment than it should have been, and the vast majority of it was good. Baby D was moving around like crazy, as usual. The amniotic fluid level was up a bit from last week but it wasn’t a significant increase. His heart rate was fine (145). One of the last things she checks for is whether he is practicing his breathing. Unfortunately, he was not cooperative with this today and we had to wait 20 minutes for him to do this. And he didn’t do it for a straight 30 seconds, which is what they’re looking for. But the reason for that measurement is to make sure baby isn’t in distress, and given his highly active state during the rest of the ultrasound, there wasn’t a concern about that. But if he hadn’t done some breathing practice, I would have to be connected to a monitor to check his heart rate for accelerations during movement, etc. Given that this will need to be done every week for the next 8 weeks, I really hope he cooperates or these appointments will take up a ton of time.

Dr. L took some more cute pictures today. As I was leaving, she mentioned how cute he is. She also noted that his slightly flat forehead seemed to be the only physical feature that sort of showed Down syndrome. I think in some way she was trying to be nice and relieve any concerns I might have about how he might look. Honestly, it just made me cry the whole way home. This just shows off my vanity, I guess. I don’t want him to have Down syndrome features. I don’t want him to look “different.”

Maybe I’ve just been spoiled. Nathan is awfully cute and always has been. And I’m sure that this baby will be cute too. And I know that when we actually get to meet him, we’ll always see him as our beautiful son. And even if he didn’t have Down syndrome, there’s no reason to believe this little guy would be another “Mini Mark.” Anyway, that’s my struggle of the day.

6 comments:

ATLKrafts said...

I appreciated your comments-- I find myself struggling against vanity on so many levels; it's freeing when we can see one another without the trappings of this world, and into the heart like God sees us.

Side note-- a woman that Andy, Mark and I worked with named Christa (in admissions, Mark) has a son with Down's. We are hoping that we can get you connected with them as well.

Jennie said...

Thanks, C. I'll let Mark know about Christa.

"without the trappings of this world..." So true. I read another blog where someone (was it you, Tom?) reminded me that we don't know what "perfect" means according to God's definition. Who are we to say that God won't give us ALL 47 chromosomes in heaven?

Melanie said...

It took me a while to see past the Down syndrome in Logan, but I am proud to say that DS is no longer the first thing I think of when I look at him. I now think he is the cutest baby I have ever seen! (of course my first son was too!) You will feel this way to, just give it a little time after you meet him. The looks thing will definitely fade with time.

MommySecrets said...

I finally saw your 4d picture of your 'little fighter'. I've never seen a 4d ultrasound, and i was completely amazed. you can see all the little baby features - just like a newborn baby. It's way cool, and your little boy is super cute!

Laurie said...

Like Melanie said- it does fade with time. We spent the first month staring at Chase, looking for every little bit of DS that we could see.

Now he's just Chase. We created the percect Chase. Not the perfect replica of his older brother (which he never would have been regardless of his chromosomes). It took time to let go and say goodbye to the other little boy that I was expecting, but now, 7 months later, I know exactly who Chase is and how he is supposed to be, and it doesn't really bother me anymore. Most days :)

Michelle said...

I totally agree with Mel, too - it's not always the first thing you see (AND, Logan is SUPER cute!!) Sometimes I'm a little surprised when it comes up - like, I forget Ruby even has that pesky extra chromosome.

We're heading back to MKE & will be there all week - call me if you're coming down!